Happy Halloween!
Halloween has always been a favorite of mine even when I was growing up in a country that didn’t celebrate it. Every year I put up decorations and dress up to pass out candy to kids. This year with the pandemic that isn’t going to happen so I made a cake. It is the first sculpted cake that I have made in over five years!
Pumpkin Spice Cake with an apple spice buttercream
I started getting into to baking after I graduated from college as a way to destress from my 9-5 accounting job that I hated. However, it didn’t become something that I did more regularly until I moved to California and started to suffer from crippling Agoraphobia.
Looking back at it I can see how the puzzle pieces connect. I had always been someone that had struggled with depression and anxiety, started around thirteen or so. It was something that was always there but I never really talked about it or had a name for it. I also didn’t tell my family because mental health was one of the few subjects that we never spoke about. Then my grandpa, who I was very close to died unexpectedly in 2012. That was when I first started having panic attacks. I don’t remember what triggered them but looking back I can identify what I was experiencing. It wasn’t until seven months later that I started to get really bad panic attacks.
We had just moved to our new apartment in Southern California. I had been working on unpacking all of our things and figured that I could go for a hike around the hills right next to our apartment complex. Sounds simple right? Well the moment that I closed the apartment door I felt a wave of nausea hit me and it felt like the world was tilting and closing in at the same time. I don’t remember what happened after I got inside but I do know that I had a few other panic attacks whenever I tried to leave the house. I was convinced that something was going to happen. I kept trying and eventually about a month or two later I did get on the hiking trail only to have another attack.
I remember thinking that I was hopeless and had a bit of a mental spiral. That’s where baking came in. I knew that it was something that worked to relax me so I started to bake more. The methodical precision of it allowed my mind to relax and focus on the singular task. From there I started baking all sorts of things. But one of the things that I found and enjoyed the most was cake sculpting.
I have always loved art and this was something that combined the two in a new way. Cake is also pretty forgiving and unlike metal sculpture you can eat it. And if you make a mistake you can fix it with cake and frosting or you can eat your mistakes and no one will have to know! Sculpting cakes provided me with an artistic outlet and gave me the ability to let my mind drift while working on something that was soothing to me.
Unfortunately, I let others opinions get in the way and when my family started to call it “nonsense” or “a waste of time” I ended up listening. I started to bake less, life became increasingly more busy, and I stopped baking all together. I had found other ways in that time to cope but I wish that I wouldn’t have stopped completely. I’m really glad that J encouraged me to do this even after I doubted myself for suggesting the idea that I sculpt a cake for Halloween.
The other side of the pumpkin cake from above.
I really enjoyed making this cake. It is not my best work. And it was definitely rushed. The challenge that I faced this time around was how to make a sculpted cake that is very time consuming while also handling a toddler. Lets just say that I made good use of his nap time (this caused rushing and mistakes but live and learn) and I worked late at night to be able to do it all.
I know that I will not be waiting another five years to make another sculpted cake. What will it be or when will it be is a total mystery but I guess we will find out together.
Until next time.
Take care,
